It's aliiiiiiiive!!

I'm at a place in my book (finally) where I know these people I'm writing about, where I'm all wrapped up in their lives and I can't wait to see what happens next. I want the girl to fall in love with the boy (although the boy is being pissy right at this second.), I want the good guys to win, and I want everyone to end up eating a pint of Ben and Jerry's around the kitchen table.

That's not the way my book is going to end, don't worry.

When I read a book, I often find myself thinking about the characters during my day to day stuff. I'll wonder what Anita and Jean Claude are up to while I'm bathing The Monster. Or I'll think of something absolutely hysterical that Lula said to Stephanie while going through lessons with The Princess. Point is, I become invested in these characters, and can't wait to spend more time with them..when I have the time.

My own book is starting to be like that for me, and that makes me excited for a couple reasons. First, I think it means my characters are "real". Second, it makes the writing go much smoother and quicker. And third, well, come on, I'm just digging the hell out of this entire process.

I've read writer's blogs and interviews where the author in question says something about her character like it's a real person. Like, "Who knows what Lestat will do next?" And I've always thought, "Well, duh, Ann, YOU should know, he lives in YOUR head." But, you know, I'm starting to understand that these characters, if you build them right, really do take on a bit of a mind of their own.

It's amazing to me that I'm having trouble with a character because he's being pissy. He kissed a girl, and then is giving her the cold shoulder. There's obviously more backstory there, that he hasn't given up to me just yet. I need to figure out what it is, before my protagonist can confront him about it.

Well, while my Monster and my Princess are sleeping, I'm going to go get my thumb drive and see if I can't unearth his issues. And I hope they're not bad enough that I need to write in a shrink.

What happens to a night owl when forced to work during the day

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My muse is a night owl

She woke me up at 1:30am, with the undeniable urge to pee. I finally disengaged my limbs from around my toddler, husband and dog by about 2am and hit the potty. Post potty, I didn't feel like trying to rearrange myself around all those people in my bed again, so I came here. I posted a blog about how frustrated I've been, as I'm sure you read sometime today.

Then, I sat in my green chair and brooded.

I may have even pouted.

And then it happened; an epiphany! Lightening struck my brain! (That's from "Hook") I pulled out my notebook, and my printed manuscript and started making notes, and crossing things out like a mad woman. I highlighted things, I wrote under words and over paragraphs, and about an hour after I had originally gotten out of bed, I got myself back in, with a smile on my face, a song on my heart and a plot in my head...and on paper.

Got some great rewrites done today. There are some scenes that are going to have to come out that I am going to miss, but I may be able to factor them in somewhere else in the future. For now I am grateful that my muse came and visited me last night.

I would like to request that future shots of inspiration take place around noon or so, though. I mean, it would just be a little more convenient for me. There would be a lot less eye rubbing and yawning, at any rate.

Conflicting Thoughts...

I'm getting frustrated with my lack of knowledge about my own book. If someone asked me what it's about, I might not know what to tell them. That's because I've got all these little details figured out, and even some awesome scenes written (in order, no less), but I have no idea what the big major issue is.

It's like I'm planning a dinner, and I know what each side dish is, I know what all the spices I'm going to use are. I have the appetizer and even the dessert all planned out. I even have a killer sauce for the meat. But I have no idea what the meat is.

Am I writing chicken? Or beef? Pork? Lamb? Or maybe there is no meat. Maybe this is a vegetarian dish to simply introduce characters and setting, to set the stage for a really good plot, just in a future book.

Well, if that's the case, we have issues. I mean, first of all, who wants to read a book with no conflict? Aside from man vs himself, which is hard to fill an entire book with. Also, who's to say that this book will sell any sequels.

Well, anyway, this blog wasn't intended to be about what's going to happen after the book is published (If this book ever even sees a publisher's desk. At this point, it's looking quite possible that it'll never even see the light of day), but rather, about this problem of me feeling that it isn't enough.

I'm seeking a major conflict, and it's never far from my mind. Which explains why my day to day life has been filled with conflict lately. Conflict with my husband, conflict with my kids, conflict with friends....my subconscious has been actively looking for a conflict worthy of my book, and has been picking fights with everyone on its quest.

Stupid subconscious.

Am I really writing a book?

Why, yes, yes I am. I guess I am, anyway. I've been working on one for a couple months, now. As often as I've said I want to write a book, and as many great ideas I had, and as many times as I started getting those great ideas down on paper, this is the one I've stuck with the longest.

Today, though, today I am questioning myself. Questioning every little plot point, every characterization, every chosen word. It's exhausting. I'm in the middle of a major rewrite. I decided on this rewrite for a couple reasons; a few scenes felt awkward to me, I was introducing a new character too late in the game, but most importantly, this book was getting too long and needed to be a little condensed. At least a little. So, my main goal was to condense some of the stuff, and stop drawing out the big long explanation about what was actually going on. I mean, I had hit page 70 (of letter sized paper, which means it's about page 140-ish in paperback book form) and hadn't yet introduced the main conflict in the story.

And here's part of the problem. I don't know what the main conflict is going to be! I have some great characters, an awesome beginning premise, and no idea where to take any of it.

So maybe that's why I'm doing this massive rewrite. I'm going back, because I don't know which road to take forward. Or rather, I can't even SEE the possible roads. It's like sitting at an intersection in dense fog. You know there are two roads bisecting at some point here, but you can't see them. Yet.

But, if you take a few steps in one direction, the road becomes visible, and if you continue to take a few more steps, you can see enough of the road to see if it's one you want to take. If it's not, you can turn around and feel your way around for another road. Right?

So, I guess my advice to myself is to just start writing again, find a road and see where it looks like it's going. I'm a first time author, with no contract. So I have the luxury of taking my time and not having to worry about deadlines or anything. Except for the deadlines Sherry puts on me, of course. But those are more wishes and hopes than hard and fast deadlines, anyway. Sherry knows about the creative process and respects it. That's why she's my reader, after all.

That, and she likes shapeshifters and vampires as much as I do.