Am I really writing a book?

Why, yes, yes I am. I guess I am, anyway. I've been working on one for a couple months, now. As often as I've said I want to write a book, and as many great ideas I had, and as many times as I started getting those great ideas down on paper, this is the one I've stuck with the longest.

Today, though, today I am questioning myself. Questioning every little plot point, every characterization, every chosen word. It's exhausting. I'm in the middle of a major rewrite. I decided on this rewrite for a couple reasons; a few scenes felt awkward to me, I was introducing a new character too late in the game, but most importantly, this book was getting too long and needed to be a little condensed. At least a little. So, my main goal was to condense some of the stuff, and stop drawing out the big long explanation about what was actually going on. I mean, I had hit page 70 (of letter sized paper, which means it's about page 140-ish in paperback book form) and hadn't yet introduced the main conflict in the story.

And here's part of the problem. I don't know what the main conflict is going to be! I have some great characters, an awesome beginning premise, and no idea where to take any of it.

So maybe that's why I'm doing this massive rewrite. I'm going back, because I don't know which road to take forward. Or rather, I can't even SEE the possible roads. It's like sitting at an intersection in dense fog. You know there are two roads bisecting at some point here, but you can't see them. Yet.

But, if you take a few steps in one direction, the road becomes visible, and if you continue to take a few more steps, you can see enough of the road to see if it's one you want to take. If it's not, you can turn around and feel your way around for another road. Right?

So, I guess my advice to myself is to just start writing again, find a road and see where it looks like it's going. I'm a first time author, with no contract. So I have the luxury of taking my time and not having to worry about deadlines or anything. Except for the deadlines Sherry puts on me, of course. But those are more wishes and hopes than hard and fast deadlines, anyway. Sherry knows about the creative process and respects it. That's why she's my reader, after all.

That, and she likes shapeshifters and vampires as much as I do.